My Mental Health Diary

Productive work! Yesterday I worked at my in person job and that went pretty well, mainly chatted with coworkers after I made some phone calls since it wasn't a busy day at all.  I got work done at my online job early this morning so I could walk with the babies before their first nap. I changed my work schedule so that I only do one and a half hours earlier, then one and a half in the evening for a total of 12 hours a week (since I plan to have 3 days off a week).  That way I get in more hours and help in the evenings, which they need at my job, but I also still get to have shorter shifts and more days off.  To me it seems like the perfect schedule so far! Improving back health! So far I have walked today.  I also did yoga for my back posture since I really want to fix my hunch back I have going on.  It doesn't add anything good to my appearance and I also get upper back pain if I stand too long.  Even as I type on my bed, I propped my laptop on two pillow...

I figured today is a good day to write about what I want to do.  It is 5:39am and I woke up early to get some online work done. I missed a training for my online job, so I need to try to catch up today.  I also need to write some posts for our new site that is launching.  And I need to do my usual two hour shift.  So I will break it down like this: 6am - 7am: Work on posts for new site, catch up on training if there's time 7am - 9am: Usual shift, catch up on training in between tasks if possible Besides work, I also want to get out today.  Since the babies will be awake and fed from 12pm to 2pm, maybe we can go with them to the library.  We can check out an ESL book for my mother-in-law, something to read for me maybe, and then we can just hang out with the babies in the play area and return on time for their 2pm nap. I do want to get out to the mall to get my ears pierced for the first time.  I feel kind of boyish in my new pixie cut, which I use...

 Today I canceled a job interview for an internal transfer within my company.  I thought maybe I wanted to work full time, but I was beginning to feel incredibly stressed, even tearful, thinking about how I was going to manage.  Right now I have two part time jobs, two kids, and am trying to focus on my health too.  I work 30 hours a week total while managing anxiety and bipolar disorder and taking care of my family.  I don't want to work 40+ hours a week right now, or even ever.  Work is too miserable for me sometimes to do that to myself.  I don't like work enough to spend time from my family and dedicate all my time to it if I can help it. I WANT TO SAY: I'M ENOUGH.  I DO ENOUGH.  I need to stop pressuring myself to make more money, do more things.  I don't need to put myself through all this.  I don't need to push myself this hard. I am proud of myself because I'm doing more than people ever thought possible of me back when I wa...